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06. Working with Your Triggers Self-Reflection

We all know certain people who can really push our buttons or situations that totally irritate us. Yet, for someone else these same people or circumstances don't seem to phase them in the least! Why is that?

This may come as a surprise but when you are triggered by another person or situation most of the time you are really reacting to your own fears, insecurities and intolerances. In a way it’s like looking into a mirror of what you find most unacceptable within yourself. We may refer to this as your shadow. 

Identifying who or what triggers you is an excellent way to gain important introspection into your psyche. Instead of being annoyed by these people and situations we really should be thanking them for providing us the opportunity to glance into our mirror and reflect back on what we need to work on. Triggers are the ultimate feedback tool! 

The truth is that those who trigger you have their own underlying fears, beliefs and insecurities that are driving how they perceive their reality and accompanying actions. The secret is that you do too!

We are all on our own unique learning journey in this life and at different stages in the process. Consider a toddler throwing a tantrum. We generally can understand the reason they are behaving in such a way is because they have yet to develop enough insight and control to self-regulate. The reality is that most of us adults are throwing tantrums because we too still have aspects of ourselves that merit further maturation and wisdom. 

Furthermore, consider the Law of One in which everything is connected as an infinite entity. You are your own irreducible unique individual being in this world but also part of and integrated with the entire earth which is part of a solar system, galaxy and infinite universe.

 

"You are every thing, every being, every emotion, every event, every situation. 

You are unity. 

You are infinity. 

You are love/light, light/love."

 

Therefore, to view triggers from the spiritual side of things, because we are all one inclusive entity, anger and resentment towards another is really anger and resentment towards yourself. What exists elsewhere also exists within you. So, when you work to heal these aspects within you, you also help to heal them in others. 

When someone else behaves in a way that you find offensive your ultimate goal is to be able to react with compassion and understanding vs irritation and intolerance. However, this won’t authentically happen until you have thoroughly processed the irritation, anger, frustration, etc that is being triggered within. Shoving it down, repressing, ignoring or pretending you don’t have these feelings will create a state of discord within you and only perpetuate the universe to continue to provide you with the same trigger experience, practically begging you to finally acknowledge it.

One of the biggest misconceptions in the healing process is that by only focusing on the positive you can erase and overcome the negative. Yes, it is true that the nature of our thoughts, words and beliefs can attract matching people, situations and experiences in our lives. If you want to attract positive relationships and opportunities you definitely want to have mirrored thoughts and emotions but the key is they have to be genuine. Forcing yourself to think happy and positive thoughts when you really feel horrible, have repressed emotions and negative perceptions can create dissonance and confusion in your body-heart-mind-soul. The key is to learn how to work with and integrate both the negative and the positive to propel your healing trajectory.

Society has taught us to ignore and suppress negative emotions and that it is unacceptable to express and feel them because they are “bad.” What’s really bad is letting them fester and remain locked in your body-heart-mind-soul. 

Therefore, at this time your task is to start paying attention to what triggers you, big and small. Triggers can range from major obvious feelings where we may explode in anger to minor annoyances and irritations that we can easily ignore and repress. 

Bringing the roots of your triggers to conscious awareness is a key part of learning how to let go of any underlying fears, insecurities, anger, resentment etc so you can free yourself of any excess baggage that is limiting your potential and power.

 

Reflect on the prompts below for ~3-8 minutes, 1-2x/day for  the next 3 days. *Unless otherwise directed.

  • You don’t have to do anything or change anything, this practice is focused on bringing your awareness to your triggers.
  • Perform this self-reflection again in about 2 weeks to assess your progress and to gather any new information to continue to support you and your greatest good.
  • Optionally, use your testing technique to determine your optimal frequency and duration to use this reflection.

 

Working with your triggers self-reflection prompts:
  • Reflect on any Trigger, Irritating Person or Situation.
    • What is your immediate reaction to this trigger?
    • How do you experience this in your body?
    • Where and what do you notice and sense?
    • Intensity or severity of trigger or irritation(0 = not triggered at all, 10 = extremely triggered)
    • How often does this happen? (multiple times/day, few times wk, rarely, etc.-be specific)
  • Do you notice when you are triggered?
    • What do you feel? Are you able to identify a primary emotion? Refer here for a list of potential emotions. 
    • Do you notice tension in your body? Where?
    • Do you feel additional emotions layered within? Can you identify them and where you sense them in your body?
  • Consider who or what triggers you. This includes the big all the way down to the small. 
    • For each situation, what is the primary emotion that is being triggered?
    • Where do you feel it in your body?
    • Why or what is it about the person or situation that upsets you?
    • If you are being triggered by another individual, why do you think they exhibit this pattern that you find irritating or offensive?
      • Imagine yourself acting this way. Do you sense any disgust, lack of acceptance or intolerance?
      • If so, where in your body do you notice it? 
      • Are you able to see any shadow aspects of yourself reflected?

 

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