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03. Rescuer Patterns Self-Reflection

This self-reflection helps deepen your conscious awareness of any rescuer victim patterns you may be involved or engaged in so you may start choosing where and how to manage yourself and your precious energy.

As you learn about the victim consciousness game in yourself, you may likely begin to acknowledge and reflect on the many victim patterns and conditioning within those around you as well.

 

Before proceeding with this self-reflection, please make yourself acquainted with what victim consciousness is and how it can play out in your life. Remember, this information is not defining you as a person, it is simply acknowledging patterns of manipulation that you may or may not know about or engage in, that are overall disempowering.

Stay curious as you acknowledge any triggers that come up for you along the way.  These triggers are doorways into understanding yourself more deeply and may be areas to focus on for reclaiming your power.

 

You may realize how much you play the game or how often others wrap you into playing with them. Go gentle as you reflect on these patterns. In time, you will recognize more and more which may change how you desire to relate to others and bring your attention to much needed healthy boundaries.

 

Themes of The Rescuer Victim include: 

  • Enabler, knowingly or unknowingly promotes unhealthy patterns
  • Assumes the martyr suffering role, may take on other’s problems or issues as their own
  • Helps everyone/thing and overlooks self, helps others because they feel powerless themselves
  • Often discounts self and needs, pretends they don’t have needs
  • Always giving and unable to receive
  • Uses guilt to control, feels they do it all, overly stressed
  • Avoids true feelings, pent up resentment and hidden anger, rage or sadness

 

 

Reflect for ~5-20 minutes over the next 2-3 days on any victim consciousness patterns in your life. You may reflect on current or past experiences as they naturally come into your awareness.

 

Prompts to increase rescuer pattern awareness in your life:
  • List your emotional needs:
  • List your physical needs:
  • Describe a situation where instead of taking care of your own needs, you take care of another’s needs instead.
  • Do you help to the point where you ‘take on’ others’ issues and problems as your  own? 
  • Do you help people solve their problems and avoid your own?
  • Do you enjoy or need others to depend on you? 
  • Do you take care of others or put their needs before yours to prove you deserve love?
  • Do you feel guilty for having needs or for thinking of yourself?
  • Do you feel guilty for expressing your feelings? 
  • Do you feel guilty for loving yourself?
  • Are you willing to understand that your needs matter?
  • Are you aware of holding any resentment when you take care of others’ needs?
  • Are you willing to take responsibility for how you feel and become aware of what you are sensing when you feel different emotions?
  • Are you willing to take responsibility for your own problems?
  • Are you willing to allow others to be responsible for solving or not solving their own problems?
  • Are you willing to establish clear boundaries?
  • Are you willing to give yourself permission to express your feelings appropriately?
  • What would it feel like to not help, rescue or be responsible for another? 
  • Consider someone you tend to rescue. Using clear and direct communication, how would you state what your needs are? How would you request for those needs to be met? 
  • What positive statement or word can you use to remind yourself to disengage with the rescuer victim consciousness, knowing that these patterns and habits can be strong?
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