As a human with a brain that is capable of remembering the past to analyze the present to predict the future you are empowered with an innate ability to control your life. It is through this gift of consciousness that you have free will to make your own choices.
On one end of the spectrum, you may be someone who isn’t really a planner or naturally organized. You tend to go with the flow and exist in a perpetual state of spontaneity not really thinking through your decisions. On the opposite side is the individual who is super-organized, structured and always has a plan in place. Where do you see yourself primarily existing on this continuum?
In an ideal flow, you would be able to fluidly shift between these two states of being depending on your circumstances. The balanced marriage of your intuition and logic ultimately best serves you along your life journey and manifestation of your purpose.
However, what happens when you get locked into one mode to the detriment of the other? Let’s consider what’s really going on when you are in a state of over-control. Here are some examples:
- Trying to predict all possible scenarios (while spending a lot of time and energy doing so) of a potential decision and yet can’t seem to actually ever make one? AKA “paralysis by analysis”
- Once a choice or action is taken, you need to know every detail related to it and potential consequences.
- Micromanaging your
- Job/employees
- Family, children, and or significant other
- Friendships
- Weight
- Appearance
- Home and environment
- Health
- Exercise Regimen
Most of the time we are quite unaware of the degree to which we try to control the people and circumstances in our lives. If we truly knew we likely wouldn’t be doing it in the first place as it ultimately handicaps us. Our underlying fears are what directs our control reigns.
When you are really able to witness your control patterns from a place of non-judgment you can gain critical insight about your inherent fears and insecurities as this is what ultimately drives your need to control.
The primary reason we control is to protect ourselves. You control to feel safe and secure not only for your physical existence and survival (such as controlling your food, water and sleep) but for your ego (your self-identity, esteem and sense of worthiness). You control to avoid the pain of realizing that you really might not actually have it all together and have flaws. Over-control is a compensation of not trusting or believing that everything is as it should be and that it is ok to make mistakes. However, try getting your ego to fully buy into this notion!
When you are spending all your energy and focus on trying to control your life it not only drains your lifeforce but you also miss out on allowing potential blessings from flowing into your life. You block your intuition and essentially the other half of your innate human powers.
For example, this past year I was at a cafe waiting for my food to arrive when I noticed someone interacting with their dog. I was mesmerized by watching them together. So much so that afterwards I googled dog images for hours. I ended up on petfinder.com where I came across a dog that looked like an exact version of my childhood dog. The resemblance was incredible! Over the next few days I kept returning to her page to look at her pictures and soon began crying when I was looking at her. I felt this intense longing for her. It was crazy!
My heart and intuition were strongly guiding me towards this dog while my head (as well as the voices of reason from some close friends and family) were advising against it. “Having a dog will take away your freedom. It’s too much responsibility, etc…”
However, I could not resist the deep attraction and desire for this dog. I told my husband, “Let’s just meet her, then we will know.” Thus, we completed the 7 page adoption application, had a 1 hour phone interview and the day we were approved just happened to be the day that Asha was transported from Texas up to northern Virginia to be placed in foster care while she awaited her “forever home.”
As we drove to meet her, I had my husband place the IPad with her picture on the dashboard because I just had to keep her in my sight! (I was also crying for much of the ride). The moment I saw her and she came over to me I knew she was meant to be with us and the next day (just 1 week after I saw the initial dog and owner at the cafe) we brought her home with us, completely unprepared! However, we soon figured it out and the love she has brought into our life has been incredible. We couldn’t imagine it without her.
However, if I had only listened to my logical left-brain that was trying to control our freedom and responsibility along with the fear based advice from some friends and family, we would have missed out on what has been one of the most special blessings in our lives.
Control Self-Reflection Exercise
Try to witness your own patterns of control from a place of non-judgement. Simply notice and be aware of circumstances, situations and/or people that you try to control or micromanage.
After you have identified your patterns, the next step is to bravely face your shadow self and ask the reasons behind your over-control behaviors. Observe how you make decisions and what drives your behavior. Why do you do this? What do you fear will happen?
Control Meditation- in process
- Get into a comfortable position either sitting or laying down in a quiet space where you will be undisturbed.
- Imagine roots coming out of your feet and tailbone and going straight into the center of the earth where you are now tapped into Earth’s core energy source.
- As you inhale you take in whatever resources you require from the earth at this time to feel and be safe, protected and able to trust in whatever the flow of life brings your way..
- As you exhale you let go of whatever fears, uncertainty and anxiety you need to let go of that are best served by being recycled by the Earth.
- Take a few more breaths softly, slowly and fully breathing in through your nose what you need to be completely safe and through pursed lips softly, slowly and fully breathing out any fears. Get every last drop of air out of your lungs.
- Set the intention that your breath and connection to the Earth will continue to serve this function through the remainder of this meditation and beyond.
- Imagine your Higher Self, the wisest and most luminous aspect of you infinitely up in the sky, throws down a ribbon for you to catch.
- Notice the color and texture of this ribbon and place it on the crown of your head where it will serve as a conduit between your higher self and you to receive whatever insight and guidance you require.
- As you inhale, set your intention to draw in whatever resources you need to feel safe and secure and as you exhale let go of whatever fears or blocks to resourcing safety to be discharged in this direction.
- Inhale softly, slowly and fully through your nose and exhale softly, slowly and fully ensuring you extinguish all your air as you sense your abdominals drawing in.
- You are now going to connect with your boundary, a double layered membrane extending about an arm’s length away from your body in all directions, up, down, front, back and side to side. This boundary serves as a bi-directional filter preventing toxic energies and circumstances from entering while allowing healthy vibes and situations in. Likewise, your boundary helps you contain any negative energy you don’t want to share with the world around you while also permitting you to send out positive intentions and love. Your boundary is your ultimate source of safety and self-identity.
- Take a few breaths to connect with your boundary, just noticing what you see and sense.
- Inhale, drawing pure eternal safety, security and self-love from the Earth and your Higher Self into your boundary.
- Exhale, letting go of any fears, anger or shame from your body that are weakening your boundary. Convert this energy into strength and empowerment and send it into your boundary, reinforcing it.
- Now that you are fully connected to the earth, your higher self and boundary with all the resources you need and the outlets to let go of what you no longer need you are going to set your intention to embody on all levels of your being full conscious awareness of your eternal safety and security. State the following, “ I set the intention to release my need to control by releasing my fear of not being in control. I trust that in my life everything is as it should be and that I am here to learn and grow from my mistakes and flaws.”
- Let’s repeat this: “ I set the intention to release my need to control by releasing my fear of not being in control. I trust that in my life everything is as it should be and that I am here to learn and grow from my mistakes and flaws.”
